Moment Of Truth: Twilight Edition
by d.sunny.d
Summary: The Cullen Family and Bella are applied for Moment Of Truth! Yes, that mortal show with all those people degrading themselves by being forced to answer embarrassing questions. Only chaos can occur. Very random. Rated T for language. R&R please.
1. The beginning

**I saw this show's commercial on TV the other day, and couldn't resist trying Twilight Edition. Call me psycho, I don't care. I shall just throw bad reviews down the toilet like all the other billion psycho insults. I don't actually watch this show, so don't kill me.  
**

"Oh. My. GAWD!" screeched Alice Cullen, startling Emmett who dropped his cards.

Edward took this opportunity to check his hand.

"God, Alice, what the hell is wrong with you?" Emmett muttered irritably as he scooped up his cards again.

"Let me guess. Neimen Marcus is having yet another sale?" Rosalie questioned sarcastically, rolling her eyes as she picked up a card from the deck.

"Or did I win this cards game again?" Jasper asked cockily, flexing his muscles.

"How rude" Alice pouted. "Just for that, I won't tell you" Alice sniffed and turned away.

Edward groaned. "Ok, ok fine. Tell us. And stop singing Barney!"

Alice shrugged. "I can't tell you."

"Alice! Just tell us already." Bella slapped down her cards.

"Fine." Alice sniffed. "Remember that TV show about those humans asking questions? Moment of Truth?"

Jasper groaned. "Alice, that was the lamest show on earth. Don't tell me that you got us excited about a celebrity edition of it."

"Well, if you count us as celebrities…" Alice said breezily, examining her manicured nails.

"Wait…What?!" Edward yelled. "You signed us up for the frikin Moment of Truth show?"

"Well…I didn't sign up for it. They asked me.." Alice beamed, looking around at the sullen faces.

"Alice, I will not degrade myself in front of that show." Rosalie crossed her arms.

"Beside, they don't ask embarrassing questions. And they know were vampire-"

"WHAT??" Emmett screamed, very girlishly. Everyone stared.

"Relax. Were under disguise. At least think about it? Please? For me?" Alice whined, putting on her infamous 'puppy dog face'.

"Fine. We will _think_ about it" Jasper said.Alice grinned and picked up yet another card.

**Good? Bad? Okay? Reviewers will be lubbed forever. Especially if it's positive. Should I go on? Well, I will either way. But it helps!  
**


	2. Getting Ready

Alrighty, here is chapter two

**Alrighty, here is chapter two! Thanks much for the reviews! I feel so special…**

"Bella! Please? It will be so fun!" Alice whined.

"Alice, I don't want to! Its just a wave of stupidity from Fox" (**A/n: This quote belongs to Crazily Sane Pancake. I thought it was creative) **

"But I already signed Edward up! He agreed" Alice sighed dramatically, crossing her fingers behind her back.

"What? Edward? H-he agreed?" Bella's eyes widened. Alice saw Bella bite her lip, then give a small nod.

"Yay! You wont regret it?" Alice exclaimed, bouncing off, crossing her other fingers.

Bella sighed. "What did I get myself in to?"

--

"Edward! Please? Bella's doing it!" said Alice, attempting to hide her smirk.

"Bella? What! ALICE!! How did you-FINE! I'll do your stupid game!" Edward groaned.

Alice smiled. "Lovely"

--

"Hmm…Rosalie…check…Emmett…check.." Alice muttered, checking everyone off her list. "That's everyone!" Alice grinned. "Oh no! What am I going to wear?" Alice screeched, then, grabbing her Visa, American Express, and a protesting Bella, Alice shot off to the mall.

--

"Owww…burn…" Bella moaned as she stumbled into the Cullen kitchen, armfuls of bags dropping on the floor. "Worst…Shopping Trip…Ever!" Bella groaned, collapsing on the sofa, next to a sympathic Edward.

"That was so fun!" Alice chimed in unhelpfully. "We are so ready for this! Anyway Bella, I was thinking you should wear the new green top with the new skinny jeans and that awesome new barrette on the show!" Alice chattered, dragging Bella to her room.

--

"ALICE! BELLA! ROSALIE! COME ON! WERE GOING TO BE LA-Holy crap!" Emmett roared. Rosalie, Alice, and Bella all descended down the stairs, looking stunning, thanks to Alice. "We have to look good on television!" Alice insisted, yanking them to the car. Two hours, later, they arrived to the Fox Network studio, Hollywood, California.

**Ok! Another chappie is done! Sorry if I disappointed you, I wanted Alice to make a big deal about this. Who should I interview first? Tell me in your review!**


	3. Rosalie updated

Hallo again

**Hallo again! Thanks much for all the reviews, they make me feel all warm and happy. ;D Anyway, most people wanted to do Alice first, but I'm saving her for the last. You'll see later. So, I shall start with Rosalie.**

"Welcome back to Moment of Truth!" the guy who hosts this show said, (**whom I don't know his name, so I shall call him Hosty.**)

"Today we have a whole family with us. Please give it up to the Kullems!" Hosty said cockily to the audience who applauded roboticly. (**is that a word?)**

"Kullems? Wth?" Edward muttered from behind the scenes. "So first up is...Rose Ally!" Hosty exclaimed, his voice faltering as the gorgeous Rosalie entered the stage. Edward took this opportunity to read his thoughts. _"_

_Hubba Hubba Rawr. What a foxy chic! Maybe I'll ask her on a date. She wont refuse, I am way to perfect!"_ Edward stifled a chuckle.

Rosalie perched herself on the stool and winked at the suddenly sweaty host.

"Ok, R.A, lets get started! I see your m-m-married." At this the host scowled darkly. "And I think I see your husband. Ernie, eh? So, pick a money sign." Hosty said.

_It doesn't matter. I'm already rich. Ok, lets take the lowest one. _Rosalie thought. "I'll take six hundred dollars" Rosalie said, plastering a smile on her face.

"Ok, so the first question. You were raped a while ago by your ex fiancé 'Randy'. Did you…Enjoy it?" Hosty asked dramatically. "LE GASP!" the crowd went wild. "Erm…excuse me?" Rosalie asked.

"You heard me. Answer the question, Rose Ally Kullem."

With no other choice, Rosalie held up her head and muttered, "A bit." "GASPETH!" the crowd went. "I was emo at that time!" Rosalie exclaimed defensively, attempting not to look at Emmett's repulsed face at the news that his wife was emo at the time.

Rosalie shot a dark look at Alice before flipping her long hair over her shoulders and looking straight at the host.

"Alright Hoehost, I'll take the seven hundred." Rosalie sighed, trying to hide the smirk at the Host's hurt face.

"Ok. Here we go. Have…You ever had plastic surgery/dying your hair that golden color?" "What the fudge? Who the hell thinks up of these craphole questions?" "We're waaaaiting" Hosty sang.

"Ok, fine. I…occasionally use blonde color shampoo…and…_I had plastic surgery once..." _Rosalie mumbled the last part.

"Where?" Hosty prompted.

"Um..a little breast implant?" Rosalie muttered, barely audible. "LE GASP!" thought Rosalie. "LE GASP!" went the crowd.

"Aha! So they aren't natural! I knew it!" Alice whispered to a giggling Bella.

"Interesting, interesting" Host mumbled, glancing at the 'implants'. "Ok! Um...Next question! Would you rather have a three zillion dollers or a stable marriage with Ernie?"

"...I am so going to sue these gaytards" Rosalie muttered.

"Um...Ernie?" Rosalie lied.

"BEEEEEEEEEEP!" the truth detector went wild.

"Aha! Well, since you lied, you must now do our 'Dares!' "**(A/n: I dont think this is really there, but hey, we want it to be interesting, right?"**

"So here is your dare" Hosty continued. "We dare you to-oh wait, this is a family show" Hosty grinned naughtily at Rosalie.

"Ok, Here is the real dare" Hosty picked up. "We dare you to, wearing a trash bag, swim in a pool filled with a mixture of bird and dog poo" Hosty finished.

"Fing Flamingos! WHAT THE Fing ASSHOLES! GO TO Fing Hell! GodDit, go kiss your mothers a! I WILL NOT FRIKIN SWIM IN DOG CRAP! Ya HERE ME?" Rosalie screamed. Unfortunately, they didnt block out every word, and so angry letters came pouring from every direction. You shall see what happens afterward.

"Rose Ally..." Hosty said nervously.

"DON'T ROSE ALLY ME! GO -**this sentence is censored because it is so bad, Voldemort would be crying under his bed...-**

"STOP! YOUR HURTING MY FEELINGS! WAAAAAAAAAAA" Hosty ran off sobbing hysterically.

"Um...commercial break?" ventured a background person dude.

_After the commercial break..._

_"_We are back!" Hosty said, still red eyed. "And we have decided to make some changes for the dare. You only have to wear a trash bag and sing Yankee Doodle!" Hosty cowered.

"Fine..." Rosalie muttered, and went off to change. When she came out, she was wearing a Safeway paper bag and her hair was in a hair net.

Throwing such a dark look that would make any gangster cry, Rosalie took the microphone and started singing.

_Yankee doodle went to town_

_riding a ferrari_

_Then he came across a guy_

_who told him this:_

_Dont watch this show, _

_Its full of crap._

_I hope it_

_burns in hell_

_And the host of course the host_

_is a harrasing sex pig!_

_Yankee Doodle saw the show_

_And nearly died of heart attack_

_Because Moment of Truth is _

_so fing shit full!_

_Woooh!_

Rosalie whooped and shook her butt at the camera, and of course there was no time to block it, it was so unexpected. None of the song was blocked.

"_Crap!" _thought Emmett.

Hosty turned bright red and sweaty. "Um..ok, here next question" he muttered.

"Last question. Rose Ally…would you rather have me take you to a five star restaurant or have a makeout session in a hobo shelter with your sister, Alice?" Hosty said knowingly.

"Hosty." Rosalie began, leaning forward, puckering her lips.

"I knew it!" Hosty yelled.

"After this, I wouldn't be in a room with you if you were the last friking guy on earth. I'm sorry, I don't date gay people." Rosalie said, slapping him in the face, then prancing off the stage.

**How did you like it? Should I add a part two for Rosalie?? R&R please!**


	4. Authors Note

A/N: Ok, just a small note

A/N: Ok, just a small note. Some of you may be confused about one of my chapters which I accedently uploaded. The lazy and active bird one? Yea. That was my Spanish homework, before I deleted it. Yes, I know its random. Don't sue me. Ya. Ok.

Also, I am not going to add a part two to Rosalie. I will instead edit the original chapter so keep checking chapter three again. I'll try to upload it sometime today. Ok, toodles!

-Sunny


	5. Edward

Edward

**Edward**

**A/n: I found out who the host was! Mark L. Walberg! Thank you, Wikipedia! I don't watch the show, so I don't know how he is, so I will continue to pretend he is a cocky pervert. And I shall dib him Mark Wally. Ok, here we go.**

"Welcome back to Moment Of Truth!" Mark said.

"Tonight, we continue with the Kullem Family interrogation! So our next contestant is…Edmund Kullem!"

Half the audience went psycho, screaming as Edward entered the stage. Of course, half of the audience was of the female population, but ah well.

"Ok, Edmund, are you ready for the first question?" Mark asked with a rude air.

_What a snob! Look at that audience! They never scream for me! Oh, wait til you see what I got for you, Eddie old boy_

Edward attempted to stifle his chuckle.

"Of course, Mark" Edward said, in a British accent.

Of course, the girls went crazy.

"Wow…" Bella muttered, a glazed look beginning to cover her eyes.

"Snap out of it, Bella! You don't want to miss Edwards questions. " Rosalie snapped, still red faced. She had refused to talk to anyone after her turn.

"Oh! Okay" Bella shook her head.

"Ok, Edmund. Your first question is this: If you were a porn movie star, which celebrity would you choose to be your co-star?" Mark inquired.

"What?" Edward asked, his face remaining expressionless.

"Were waiting…" Mark sang.

"Fine…If Ah had no choice…um…" Edward threw a nervous look at Bella.

"Auh'd have to say Britney Spears" Edward said dreamily still in his British accent.

"I mean. If I had no choice" he hastily corrected.

"Sure" Mark said, glancing at the insulted looking Bella.

"Next question. Have you ever inappropriately touched on of your half-sisters?" He paused dramatically.

"Excuse me? Are you making up these question up as you go? You jack ahss!" Edward held up his fist.

"Of course I did not! Now answer the questions!" Mark snapped.

"O-once. And they didn't even realize it. And I didn't do it on purpose." Edward stuttered.

"FUDGIN FLYING MONKEYS!" screamed Bella out of no where.

Every stared.

"Erm…I'll sit down now" Bella muttered, hiding behind her hoodie.

"Ok…next question…out of Vogue, Seventeen, Vanity fair, or none, which one do you read weekly?" Mark asked.

"Um…actually…all of them…" Edward whispered.

"I see" Mark grinned, giving a knowing glance at a very shocked Bella. "Next question. I see your mothers name is Estella. Would you rather have Estella or a fun loving mom who would let you do anything you want?" Mark asked dully, getting bored.

"The fun...loving…one" Edward choked out.

_Back at the Cullen House_

"HOLY MOTHER FUDGER!" Esme screamed, squeezing her Windex bottle.

"Don't worry, Winnie, don't let that Edward guy get to us. He's just jealous of the bond we have" Esme hugged her Windex bottle.

_Back at the stage_

"Well, that is it for right now!" Mark said disappointedly. "Join us next time, and we will question…"

**Oooh, A cliffy! Well, not exactly. I haven't decided who to do next. Oh, ya, Also, if anyone wants to send me a question they'd like me to ask, go ahead. Also, I am thinking of doing more than the Cullen family. Maybe Mike, Jessica, Jacob, Aro, etc. ******** Review please!**


	6. Another Authors Note sorry!

Hi

**Hi! I am soooooo sorry for not updating in forever. I have STAR testing and all, and on top of that, graduation is coming up. Anyway, I will update soon, but I have a request from you people. I am doing Jasper, and am kinda having a writers block right now so it would be awesome of you to send me some questions you would like to be seen. If you don't have any for Jasper, you can send any for any character. I have decided to do other characters like Jacob and Aro and Mike, etc. Ok, byeee.**


	7. Jasper

Hey ya'll, I am so sorry I haven't updated in a month

**Hey ya'll, I am so sorry I haven't updated in a month. I just finished finals, and then we have all this graduation crap to deal with and yea. Alright, so next is Jasper!**

_Behind the Scenes_

"This Kullem family is taking away my shine. You know I have never been rejected for a date? Stupid Rose Ally. Ooooh, the next Kullem is going to pay, I tell you, pay." Mark muttered to his on stage therapist who was conveniently at the front of every scene. The therapist nodded wisely, but her attention was to Edward.

"Your on!" some camera guy called.

Mark straightened his 322100 suit and strutted up to the stage, settling in a chair.

"Hello, and we are back, and continuing on with the Kullem family. So, right now, we will interrogate Jesse Par Kullem!" Mark called as Jasper strutted up the stage.

In the front, Alice nearly screamed as she recovered from a vision.

"Oh, crap!" she told Bella. "I totally forgot that Jasper is feeling exactly what Mark was doing."

Bella nearly fell off her chair laughing, but recovered, wearing a solemn expression at Alice's deathly glare.

Mark glanced at his papers, ripping them up.

"Okay, so the first question is; How is it like being emo?

Do you paint on those cuts on your arms, or are they just natural?" Mark chortled.

Jasper stuck his nose in his air.

"Well, of course their fake, you wanabee. I'm a vamp; I have no blood. Unlike you, I am better at making them look real" Jasper told him snottily.

Mark looked taken aback.

"Erm…okay…second question. Are you gay?"

"Why? Can't find a date for Tuesday Night?" Jasper sneered

Mark looked like he was going to cry.

"Just answer my question" he gritted his teeth.

"Sorry Marklyn old girl, but I am as straight as a board." Jasper leered.

"Jesse Par, do not stray off topic. We are on public, and we need higher ratings from the buffoons who call themselves critics." Mark muttered, barely audible.

"WE ARE ON PUBLIC AND NEED HIGHER RATINGS FROM THE BUFFOONS WHO CALL THEMSELVES CRITICS?" Jasper hollered.

"Stop doing that! Don't you know how bad that hurts my feelings? It kills me, you know, listening to all of you; especially the guys making fun of me. I'll tell you why! I think you men are as hot as the sun! I love you!" Mark sniveled at the same time. "I only date girls to cover up! That's what my therapist said. Cover up! Well, you know what, Dr. Phil? You are fired as my therapist!" Mark screamed, running of stage sobbing.

Jasper sniffled. "I totally feel for you, big guy!" Jasper called after him in a low voice, then trudged back to the front.

The camera guy sighed. He totally needed a new job. Once again, he said uncertainly, "Commercial break?"

**Ha ha, did you like it? I know this is kind of OOC, but I thought it would be hilarious for Jasper to mimic Mark. R&R please! Press the periwinkle button. You know you want to.**


	8. Emmett

Emmett: Heres chapter Emmett

**Emmett: Heres chapter Emmett. Prepare to LOL, ROFL, LMAO, and send an application form for me to the nearest mental hospital.**

_Once again, backstage:_

"Waaaaaa! How can they do this to meee! They are so meaaaan!" Mark was sobbing in his LaZ Boy armchair backstage.

The new therapist looked lost. This was the first homosexual patient she had ever had.

"There, there. Just be yourself. Be who you really want to be" the new therapist read her notes, her voice in monotone.

"That's it! You're a genius! Your much better than Dr. Phil!" With that, Mark ran off to his personal trailer.

_Meanwhile, with the camera guys_

"Where is he? He's due in five minutes!" the camera guy asked frantically.

"I'm ready" called a high pitched voice, which they thought to be a new female host. Boy, were they wrong.

"Five, four, three, tw-holy mother of-" the camera guy mouthed, dropping his jaw as the new Mark came gliding in. "Hi, welcome back, I'm your host, Marklyn Wally!" Mark…lyn squeaked. The new Mark-um-lyn was…a girl.

Mark-lyn was wearing a bright pink tutu skirt and a frilly leotard with a rainbow unicorn on front to match. His- I mean, her, face was loaded with makeup. Hi-Her lips were painted a bright pink gloss, _her_ eyes were brushed with glittery pink, and _she_ wore sparkly ballet slippers. _She_ had taken _her_ short brown hair and curled it, then fastening it with pink ribbons.

"What the fu-" Alice muttered.

"Is that...glitter in his hair?" Bella asked, stifling a chuckle.

"Anyway, as I was saying, please give it up for, Emit Kullem!" Mark called.

"Isn't that the same name?" Bella questioned.

"No, Emit has a Jewish root to it." Alice told her smugly.

Emmett strutted up the stage.

"Hey, babe" Emmett told Marklyn.

"Oh, crap! Emmett is going to play along!" Alice shriek whispered.

"Stop him!" Rosalie hissed.

Jasper and Edward were on the floor laughing.

Emmett sat down and crossed his legs very girlishly.

Marklyn just stared at Emmetts bare legs.

"He chooses today to wear shorts!" Rosalie groaned.

"Oh! Um, hello there…Emit" Marklyn snapped out of it.

"Call me Em" Emmett grinned. Then he batted his eyelashes.

_Back at the Cullen household_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I have failed to raise my sons! Now, one of them has crossed the dark side!" Esme screamed.

**(AN: Here, I have absolutely nothing against homosexual people. In fact, I see nothing wrong about it, but I thought since Carlisle and Esme were pretty religious, it would make sense. I'm sorry I offended anyone if I did)**

"Carlisle, this is all your fault. You raised them" Esme accused.

"Esme, dear, calm dow-" Carlisle attempted to explain.

"CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN? MY SON IS GAY! WINNIE WOULD BE A BETTER FATHER THAN YOU! I KNEW I SHOULD OF MARRIED WINNIE INSTEAD!" Esme screeched, squeezing her Windex bottle so hard, it exploded.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Esme howled, sobbing hysterically.

Carlisle backed out of the doorway and ran to his study, where he jumped in his closet and came out wearing a burglar suit.

"Secret Agent Carlisle is on the case!" Carlisle yelled, jumping out the window. Downstairs, Esme began making arrangements for Winnie's funeral.

"Shoulda made him a vampire" Esme muttered.

_Back at the studios_

"Now, Em, um, first question. You are married to Rose Ally. Do you regret it?" Marklyn asked, all sweaty because Emit had batted his eyelashes.

Meanwhile, Emmett, being the strong one, had successfully torn the wires connecting to the liar detector.

"Shit" Rosalie muttered. "He's going to still go on"

"Of course I do. I mean, Rosie, your too dark for me. I mean, you are great in bed and all, but I think I discovered a door." Emmett said soulfully, gazing upwards, bathing in a golden light.

"I have discovered a door, in which I don't need beauty. I don't want to stay captive in a womans charm. So I have bent myself to the right path; I am no longer straight" Emmett put a hand to his chest.

Marklyn looked touched. His eyes began to water.

"That was the sweetest thing I have ever heard" Marklyn whispered.

"ZOMG! Do you read Vogue too?" Emmett squeeled.

"No way! I do too! Like, did you read the article about the hair shine in May 2008 edition?" Marklyn asked eagerly.

'_Edward, a little help here' _Emmett thought rapidly.

Edward sighed, and used a new power of his to transfer thoughts into Emmetts mind.

"Like, totally, where Ashley Tisdale talks about that new nail stragedy?" Emmett chattered.

"Oops, gotta go, I have a meeting with Miley Cyrus in twenty" Emmett glanced at his watch.

"ZOMG! I love her! Will you sing us a song by her before you go?" Marklyn asked pleading.

"Okay!" Emmett squealed.  
I got my sights set on you and I'm ready to aim. If I had a heart, I'd have a heart that will never be tamed. I knew you were something special. When you spoke my name. Now I can't wait to see you again. I've got a way of knowing when something is right.I feel like I must have known you in another life, even though I've only lived one life, which is basically more than one cuz I'd live for three hundred years. Cause I felt this deep connection when you looked in my eyes. Now I can't wait to see you again. The last time I freaked out. I just kept looking down. I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinking about(Though if your Edward, you wouldn't ask, you'd just pry) .Felt like I couldn't breathe (Well, I don't have to)You asked what's wrong with me. My sister Alice said "Oh he's just being Vampirey" The next time we hang out. I will redeem myself. (If I had one) My heart it can't rest till then. I can't wait to see you again" Emmett finished.

There was silence. Then tremendous applause battered the halls.

_Back at the cullen house_

"If only Winnie was here too see my son becoming the next Miley!" Esme wailed.

**Like it? Hate it? Think I've gone bonkers? Why yes, I have thank you very much. I know this is pretty Off Topic, but Emmett had to have something totally random, so I made him play along. Review please!**


	9. Obi Wan?

Hallo lot

**Hallo lot! Sorry, I've left you on a kind of sort of cliffy. Continuing where I left off…**

Emmett jumped off the chair and blew a kiss.

"Ciao. You know my number" Emmett winked.

Marklyn looked flabbergasted.

"Um..I-I'll call you!" Marklyn called.

"Oh! Okay. Back to the show. Um, so this ends our Kullem family interrogation! Tune in next time for Moment of Truth!

_**Theme song Theme Song Theme song Theme song**_

_In a dark office_

A fat man smoked a fat cigar in his office. A golden sign showed he was the executive director.

He looked at the person in front of him.

"You have done well, grasshopper" He broke the silence.

"Thank you, Obi Wan" The person replied.

"I hope you will be able to continue to do business again"

"I will, Master. The document, if you please."

The person scribbled some stuff on the document.

"Renew my credit cards by tomorrow. You know my bank account."

"Mike, Bella, Jessica, Jacob…Good batch. I look forward to interacting with you again. Alice San."

**Ooooh, cliffy o matic! Don't worry, this isn't the end. I will continue on the quest. Oh, and if anyone wants me to, I can change the host to someone normal…or I can keep him…Marklyn XD**

**Please, please, please Review! **


	10. Bella!

_**EDITED EDITION**_

**Hi again! Sorry for not posting in such a long time again. Anyway, I decided to do a new thing. I'd like to give a shoutout to my most reviewing readers! The winner of the most reviews are Crazily Sane Pancake, and pearberry14! –clapclapclapclap- And what do they win? Tell em, Jazzy! (Jasper kidnapped and stuffed in a glittery dress)**

**Jasper (gloomily): They will be published in the next chapter as characters. If they agree of course. Then they just get a shiny trophy and/or get to write a chapter in this story if they want. Yipee. You know, your story is not that great, Sunny.**

**Me: NUNCHUCKS!**

**Jasper: Okay, okay, sorry. –runs off-**

**Me: Okay! On with the story!**

At the mall while Edward and the family except Alice are complaining at home:

"So, Mike, what do you say? Do you want to star in this TV show?" Alice asked pitifully.

Mike scratched his chin. "I dunno, Alice, I do have a very busy schedule…" Mike tossed his head.

"Oh come on, Mikey, I know the show is dying for your type. Please? For me?" Alice pouted, batting her eyelashes.

Mike stared. Then sighed and nodded. "Okay Alice. I need my own dressing room then."

Alice nodded.

"Thanks, Mike, your great!" Alice bounced off happily.

Mike watched her go, then screamed girlishly. "I'M GONNA BE ON TELIVISION!" he squealed, than ran off.

--

"Oh Lauren. It'd be so great if you could be on this show! We really need you. You're the one of the kind we're looking for," Alice repeated pitifully.

Lauren didn't skip a beat.

"OF COURSE! I mean, sure! I mean, oh okay, I guess, if you insist," Lauren corrected hastily.

--

"Come on Jakey, we really need you on this show," Alice pleaded.

Jacob shook his head.

"No way!" he yelled.

Alice sighed, pretended to be disappointed.

"Oh. I guess Bella will have to sit alone, then," Alice turned to leave.

"WAIT! BELLA? Um. Okay. Fine," Jacob sighed.

--

(SEVERAL ALICE BEGGING SCENES LATER)

"Welcome back to Moment of truth!" Mark_lyn_ announced happily, today is a pink cheerleading suit that was way to short and showed off his surprisingly unhairy legs.

"Looks like someone tried to shave," Rosalie smirked.

"Today we end the integration of the Kullem family and start the Forks people! Lets give it up for Edmunds um, er, so called _fiancé,_ Annabelle Goose!" Mark_lyn_ introduced as a nervouse Bella was pushed to the seat.

Bella crossed her arms and scowled.

"Okay, AB! Mind if I call you Belle?" he asked without bothering for an answer.

"Heres your first question. Your _best friend_, Jason White, who was known to like you. Have you ever been laid by him?" Marklyn asked eagerly, glancing at Edward and winking suggestively. Bella turned bright red. As usual.

"Wh-bu-wa-n-" Bella sputtered.

Marklyn raised his eyebrows.

"Yea. Accidently. I was drunk," Bella muttered quietly.

"OH YOU DID," Marklyn screamed, staring at the shocked Edward.

_LE GASP!_

_AT THE SWAN HOUSEHOLD:_

Charlie yawned as the commercial for ESPN came on and changed the channel to see Bella confess.

"F--IN FLYING MONKEYS!" Charlie screamed. "FIRST F--IN THAT CULLEN BOY AND NOW F--IN JACOB? THAT'S IT! I'M PUTTING BELLA IN A SEX THERAPY CLASS!" Charlie screamed. "SO THAT'S WHAT SHE DID IN THE 'GARAGE'"

_BACK AT THE STUDIO_

"Next question, Belle," Marklyn said gleefully.

"How did you pass when you sunk into that depression earlier on?" Marklyn finished with a flourish.

Bella turned tomato red again.

"Um. I kinda. Um. Copied um, Angela. Kinda. Sorta," Bella mumbled.

"SO YOU COPIED ANGIE LA? OOOOH!" Marklyn hollered.

_LE GASP!_

"Next question. Wouldja rather marry your sista, Rose Ally, or Quimby (Quill)?" Marklyn asked slyly.

"Erms. Quimby?" Bella asked.

_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!_

"Liar!" Marklyn exclaimed cheerfully. "That means you have to do one of our dares! And since you want to tie the knot with she _so bad_, we'll tell you what you have to do….after the break!" Marklyn said happily, winking at Edward.

"_And, cut!"_ the guy who ran the programs said, pressing the commercial button.

-comercialcomercialcomercialcomercial-

Got milk? Moo?

Coke is yummy! Yay!

Do you have acne?

-comercialcomercialcomercialcomercial-

"Now, Belle, you have to outside and make out with Voldemort, who we convieniently have waiting outside!"

Edward dropped his jaw.

Marklyn shoved Bella outside. Ten minutes later, she came back, shuddering.

"Well, Belle, that was fun!" Marklyn exclaimed. "Well, were running out of time. Tune in next time!" Marklyn finished.

**Well, theres another chapter. Should I do another part two for Bella? Send me some questions if you have any for Bella, and if I have more than one, I'll make another chapta.**

**Ciao!**

**P.S: FOUR MORE FRIKING DAYS TIL BREAKING DAWN!**


	11. A long last authors note

Hello Everyone!! Okay, As you could see, I mysteriously disapeared for um, a very long time, cuz I kinda forgot about this fanfic. But if you still remember me, sorry! I will update soon! In like twenty minutes! Don't kill me! Coming up next is Jacob!


	12. Jacob!

**hey people! its me again! again, i'm really sorry for that really long pause between chapters. you know the last time I updated my chapters? last june! I'm like, wow. I am so behind. Yea, so next is actually Jacob as promised, and if Crazily Sane Pancake and Pearberry are still reading this, (yes, I still remember you guys!) I still owe you a shiny trophy or a character based off yourselves in the chapter. Oh yes, I read breaking dawn, so now this is going to be post breaking dawn. So pretend the show stopped for a year because of writers strike or whatever. Okay, so continuing...**

"Welcome back to Moment of Truth! I'm your host, Marklyn Wally and today we will be interviewing Annabelles best friend, Jason White!," Marklyn exclaimed girlishly, giggling as the camera took in Marklyns pink and purple princess dress and tiara, as well as...

"Are those...boobs?" Bella asked, motioning to the lumps on Marklyns chest. Edward, looking horrified, covered Nessie's and Bella's eyes.

Jacob strutted in, conveniently without a shirt, to half the fan girls in the audiences happiness. You see, after the movie came out, Jacob and Edward started getting stalked by crazy fangirls...and fanguys in some cases.

Flexing his muscles, Jacob took his seat next to Marklyn.

_Man! He's hott!!! Look at those abs! Hmmm...._

_Almost as hot as Edmund! _Edward heard Marklyn think and made a face.

"Helloooo ," Marklyn giggled, fluttering his eyelashes.

"Yo, sup, foo." Jacob said, making those weird hand moves that gansters did.

"Um? Okay..so um...your Jason White, right?" Marklyn asked, distracted.

"I LOVE YOU JACOB!!!!!! YOUR SO PRETTY" screamed a fan girl in the middle of the audience screamed.

"PRETTY UGLY BITCH, YOU MEAN! STUPID JACKASS! GO F—K your self and leave BELLA AND NESSIE ALONE!!!" another fangirl screamed .

"BITCH FIGHT!" Emmett screamed, as the two fan girls began bitch slapping eachother.

"Um..security!" Marklyn called as two ninjas bowed and took the two fan girls away.

"So anyway, Jason or Jacob or Jack or whatever..." Marklyn continued.

"You can call me dawg, foo!" Jacob rapped.

"Okay...so um, for the last couple of years, you were going head over heels over...Annabella and then all of a sudden, your after her infant daughter?" Marklyn asked, dissapointed at his slim chances of scoring a date."

Jacob stood up and threw his hoodie over his head.

"_Yo, yo, listen up, dawgs, _

_this is my story, it ain't no fraud_

_I had the hots for Bella_

_as she is so yella_

_..._

"Wait...Annabella isn't asian..." Marklyn pointed out.

"Just let me finish, dawg." Jacob said angrily, then proceeded to continue.

"_She was my sunshine_

_in my shrine_

_but she was after the hill_

_so i told bella whos so yella_

_why go for the hill when you can get the mountain_

_but then bella whos so yella_

_said no, fella, I'm after the gayanise _

_so i went, no way, hella. eat your peas_

_yo i could not believe dat shit_

_so im like shaddup you pit_

_so then bella got the bats baby bats_

_and i saw that baby bad_

_and then i realized_

_ooh! a slave fo later! _

_hizzle fizzle shizzle_

_ardizzle mizzle kadizzle_

_........_

_fizzle. _

Jacob sat back down.

Bella looked enraged and looked for something to throw at him. Seeing as she had nothing, Bella threw Nessie at him. "DIE You CHILD ABUSER!" Bella screeched.

Marklyn caught Nessie and handed her off to security. "WAIT! MY BABY!" Edward screamed, running off to security.

"That rap made no since. Pits? Gayanise? I didn't get it at all!" Marklyn said, "Oooh, my braiin hurts."

"Shut up, foo dawg. Thats my shit, you better not take the pits.y Jacob rapped back angrily.

"You are aware that marrying a kid is illegal right? Thats sick!" Marklyn spat back, angry that he made fun of his favorite word, gayinise.

"DON"T MAKE ME PULL MY GUN!" Jacob screamed, pulling out a water gun.

"Next question! Jason, do you have balls of fury?" Marklyn asked randomly.

Jacob paused. "Whatt?"

Marklyn took this moment to nod to security who tied him back.

"Next real question! How big is your ball?" Marklyn asked in what he thought was seductive.

"Bigger then bat boys ova there," Jacob said angrily.

"YOU STINK, DOG BOY!" One of Edwards fans screamed. With that, Jacob turned into a were ran toward the audience and ate the fan girl.

The audience fell into a brief moment of silence until they started running out, screaming.

s

"Well, thats it for now! Join us next week! AAAAH!!!" Marklyn screamed as Jacob tried to chew his head off.

**Okay, that was really lame, but I have a writers block. I may update this later, but I need people to give me more questions. **

**Review pleeeeaaaasee. **


	13. Another annoying authors note

Hi, everyone.

So no, I haven't died, gone into hiding, or got lost in the time-space continuum. I completely forgot about this fanfic (yes, I know, you've heard it all before) and was just recently reminded of it by someone's review0 (Thanks, Samiee). Truth is, I kind of lost my thing for Twilight, and I'm kind of embarrassed by the story so far when I recently reread this. (Don't blame me, I was like, twelve or thirteen when I first wrote this story, and a couple of years later, when I decided to publish it, I didn't bother to start editing)

So, to the point. Assuming this story still has followers who want the story to be continued, I'm putting the story for adoption if anyone wants to continue the story, because I honestly don't have any time. I'm really sorry for those people (if there are any…) who have been waiting forever for the next chapter, but unless someone wants to take over, I'm done.

So, that's it. If no one wants it, I'll put up some sort of shoddy conclusion chapter.

Thanks, and sorry this annoying A/N is so darn wrong.

Sunny.


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